Table of Contents - Vol. VII, No. 1
Be it known that the woman
reported to have been tied to a tree on our maple sugar lot, stripped naked,
and covered with black shoe polish was not our Aunt Effie, who lives with
three large misanthropic dogs on the Sebec Road and in no case would have
been caught in such a predicament. Further, our aunt vehemently denies that
she was ever formally engaged to Bert Treble, proprietor of the Paradise
Spool and Leather Mill, and that she has no reason to inquire into his
disappearance since the fire that destroyed the mill last month. Persons who
continue to spread rumors contrary to these facts are subject to legal
action. Also, persons having information about the disappearance of
her dogs are asked to contact Sheriff Bakersmith.
Signed: The Nieces and Nephews of Effie Rudely.